Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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