We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
