Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
