Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
