really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
