go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
