Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
