Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
