i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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