you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
