Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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