Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
