Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
