I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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