evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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