ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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