You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
