My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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