Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
