If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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