just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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