that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
