I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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