I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
