guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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