i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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