I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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