So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
