I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
