what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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