It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
