life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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