I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
