Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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