I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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