i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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