I can text with my tongue
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
