Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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