giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
