I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
