I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
