Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
