she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
