Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
