is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Acid is not a monday night drug
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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