pedialite and red bull = repair kit
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
