I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
