i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
