this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
