the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
