dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
