Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my sisters under your porch take her home
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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