Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
