She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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